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Monday, February 2, 2015

How do you drown your sorrows?

Life isn't always easy nor is it fair. At times life is nearly unbearable.

When my best friend passed away 2 years ago I was a wreck and spent two weeks locked in my apartment. I went out only to rent movies or check them out free from the public library. I watched movie after movie, an activity we enjoyed doing together, and I looked for him. I could feel and hear him I just couldn't see him. I have always been a believer in the paranormal but wished at the time to be "Ghost Whisperer" and see and talk with him once again.

When I wasn't watching movies  I was reading As Snow Falls. The night he passed away I popped open my computer folder containing all the many rough drafts and nearly finished books I had written, Writing is an old friend in my sorrow- filled life. As Snow Falls spoke to me in a sense. I popped it open and read, my eyes already filled with tears. I read the story several times that night and found what I was looking for. A solace and outlet to my sadness. I made the decision then to publish the book. To me it was the most fitting story to publish first- you have to read it to get that. 

With renewed purpose, although still locked in my apartment I spent every morning into the late hours of the afternoon drinking Italian blend Starbucks coffee and researching ways to publish books. 

I made a lot of decisions that night and have worked hard over the past two years to make them a reality. Sometimes possibly I work too hard.

After my two week hiatus on life I realized he would always be with me and those he loved. So I returned to the land of the living with not just single goal of publishing As Snow Falls but a list of goals to work towards. They have been the fuel that burns throughout my soul and edges me closer and closer to attainment.

As mentioned earlier sorrow is an old friend to me. Like an old pair of shoes that are worn out but hard to part with. My sorrow tonight is nothing as intense as losing my friend and I won't be locked away for two weeks. Instead I turn to my familiar comforts. A soft pair of sweats and T-shirt, pizza with pepperoni, black olives and tons of cheese, a super-infused margarita, and writing.

When sad write. I find my mind is most focused when I'm sad. My brain and body slow down allowing me to gather my thoughts and let out my emotion. In moments of happiness my mind races with a million thoughts coalescing all at one time and I have a difficult time focusing on any one of them. 

Instead of sorrow I take the opportunity to focus, eat pizza, and write the next few chapters of my next novel.

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