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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Zombie Infestation: A Serena Rouge Novel

This was fun, more than anything.



My thoughts:
Serena is a little rough around the edges in this nonstop action book. A zombie virus is out and for some people it makes them stronger, quicker and improved. Serena is somehow immune to it yet she's "improved" in an Alice from Resident Evil kind of way. When her children are kidnapped she pulls out no stops in getting them back whole and healthy.

This book is well written. The only stumbling block for me was no use of place description or characters. It left a little out of sorts in places. Since I don't require copious amounts of description my mind filled in the blanks. The story is written first person and Serena does a lot of self-talk, some extremely funny which added to the story.


For zombie fans I absolutely think this is a must read

Amazon/Audible

Monday, July 9, 2018

Zombie Girl 3 Retribution

Retribution is finally done and set for an August 1st release!


Maddie is my kinda girl. She's tough, feminine and even when afraid does what needs to be done. It's always tough saying goodbye to characters, probably why I have such difficulty in ending a series. 

If you've been reading you know she started out as a 14 year old girl who hated science and everything related to it until one day when the unthinkable happened.

With the whole apocalypse thing and zombies trying to eat her and the group she's with they've travelled over seas and lived through some extremely treacherous times.

No matter what, the humor was always there and it gives the entire series a light heartedness that makes it memorable. It's more like Zombieland than The Walking Dead.

I had a ton of laughs writing the story and learned a lot developing a story in a genre I wasn't real familiar with. Writing horror for kids is different than for adults. I had to watch my words and their words. That's where the humor comes in. I'd also never dabbled in sci-fi or post apocalyptic fiction. It was a first and I'm proud with how it turned out.

No spoilers here! Read the series. Try the game and see which character you are, share your results on social media and feel free to comment below. Click here to play.


Book 1 Premonition is now free!

Book 2 Infection is at .99 through August 1st.

Book 3 Retribution is on pre-order for .99! That will only last through release day August 1st!

Excerpt: (one of my favorite parts. Hehe!)

Two dead zombie eyes stared at me. I knew that was more a reflex. It couldn’t see me. Its long gray hair hung limp on its shoulders as it clicked its tongue, blood dribbling from its mouth on its way towards me. Its drip drag stagger-walk was impressively quick. A flowered sundress covered in sprays of blood, chunks of human skin clung to the fabric.

On the floor behind her was a man in a black robe. His mouth was in an O as he screamed, “No!”

I swung the blade of the katana towards her dirty, slimy neck when she came within a few feet of me. It nearly connected then something I’d never seen, nor imagined, happened. The zombie blew apart from the inside out. I was glad my teeth were gritted as I’d have had a mouth full of deader if I hadn’t. Chunks and blood sprayed the walls. It was a definite ten on my disgusting scale.

Chunks of her blew into the man’s mouth. He gagged and spat to rid his body of the nasty zombie meal. His face met mine and he scooted backwards on the floor. His eyes barely visible through the zombie mess covering it. I moved closer to him. He was living. “Are you hurt?”

“You killed her!” he growled. “You are a murderer!”

What? I hadn’t expected that one and I hadn’t killed her; she blew up like one of Deavers’ grenades. “I didn’t kill her. She was infected and there’s no cure. Did she bite you?”

“You killed my wife.” He continued sliding backwards.

That’s when I noticed it. The beam from my flashlight caught the silver barrel of a gun, only a couple feet from him. I moved towards him. “Don’t think about or you’ll be dead like your wife.”

He scooted again and I moved quicker now and jabbed the end of the katana’s blade into his chest. Keeping it centered on him, I side-stepped and kicked the gun. It flew across the floor.

“Get up!” I ordered with a sneer.

He pushed his back against the wall and slid up it. His short, dark hair was coated in zombie film. I jabbed the blade lightly into his chest so he knew I meant business. When I did, it slid through a hole in the dark robe hanging around his shoulders. “Did she bite you, Professor?” I didn’t know what else to call him and it looked similar to a graduate’s robe.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “That makes no difference. Go. Go now!”

Well, this wasn’t going well. The patter of rain stopped, meaning the worst of the storm was over. I glanced over the hallway. A collar of sorts clung to the wall in the muck. I grabbed it. “You’ve been keeping her alive, treating her like a pet?” That was sick. Really sick and morbid.

He narrowed his eyes into tiny slits. A chunk of deader flesh dropped from his forehead. “She was my wife.”

The memory of my father turning seemed like a million years ago but it was still fresh in my head. I knew he was turning and that I should kill him, but I didn’t. Instead we tied him up. This guy did the same thing. He put a collar around her neck. I brought the katana to my side. “I don’t want to kill you and I didn’t kill her. She exploded. I’ve never seen that before. When did she turn?”

“In the beginning. The very beginning.”

That begged a lot of questions like how did you get her past the military? What has she been eating? Was that why her drip-drag was so quick?

The rain stopped and I was on a mission. “We have to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

I rolled my eyes. I needed some answers and he would provide them. “Yes, you are. Remember I have the weapon and you don’t. I also have your wife’s collar and I bet it’s a shock collar. The kind used for training dogs.” I smirked.

“Fine,” he seethed.

I lifted the katana towards his chest again and spread the cloth of his robe. What I saw didn’t surprise me. A set of round, fresh, human-deader teeth marks. I lifted the collar towards him with my free hand. “Put this on just in case.”

Reluctantly he grabbed the collar and wrapped it around his neck. The motion caused a chunk of flesh to fall from his robe, revealing a name tag.

“You first, Mitchem.” I read the tag.

For the next hour we steadily walked towards the marina and I pried all sorts of information from him. He was a Duval County judge. That explained the black robe. He and his wife were visiting family in Gainesville when the end of the world went down. She was exposed immediately but didn’t turn until a couple days later. Dumb luck saved them from the military. They’d spent the night in their RV deep in the woods. When he woke up the next morning his wife, Gloria, was eating their Pomeranian. I imagined large puffs of fur stuck between her teeth and chuckled.

“It’s not funny!” he growled.

He was wrong. It was funny. In this new world I had to find humor where I could and that was hilarious. However, I stopped laughing out of respect and let him continue his story.

“I tied her up with bungee cords and glanced a peek out of the window. I would have waved my hands and let them take me, but they’d have killed Gloria. I couldn’t have that. A soldier approached the RV, I stood inside with my gun loaded and waited. A radio voice came through, “Need help now! Surrounded by them.” That was it. They never returned and I got us out of there.”
Copyright Elle Klass 2018 Retribution

Sunday, May 27, 2018

The Terra Debacle: Prisoners at Area 51 by Marcha Fox

One of my favorite authors releases her first audiobook and it's amazing!



My Review:
This is a book I first read the digital version which I rarely do but I really adore the series. Listening to it in audio was possibly even better. The narrator does a fabulous job with the voices and pacing. I loved just as much in audio and laughed even more.

Thyron is a sentient plant. He thinks, speaks on a psi level and walks. He can be a bit overbearing as his intelligence supercedes most but its this super clever part of him that makes me laugh and how he views humans. Since we're omnivores he freaks out that humans may want him for a meal and even worse when he's put in a crate made of wood. The author put me in his head and there are some very plausible thoughts, if plants do think.

Ayways, Thyron is captured and taken to Area 51 in the late 70s. I don't remember much of the early 70s but very much remember the late 70s and the author nailed it with her references including TV. That also kept me in laughter. The story is well written and well orchestrated by the narrator. Its definitely one to listen to and no need to be a hard core sci-fi fan. Anything technical is kept in short and only furthers the plot.


A plus!

Amazon/Audible

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Kick the Candle: Knight Games Book 2 by Genevieve Jack

Love, love, love this series!




My Review:


I listened to book 1 a few weeks ago and came back for book 2. I'll be onto book 3 soon. Grateful is learning more about her powers and building a data bank she can carry with her on her phone for all the spells. I think that modern day touch is cute.

As she's settling into being a witch she finds she's being evicted from the house. The one she abhorred at first but now loves. It's the place she has to be to send souls away. The story quickly builds and the plot thickens. She and Rick have problems, leaving her alone.She adores him, is connected to him on a level that exceeds the physical realm but she can't commit.

This series is quick paced and witty. I adore Grateful. I'm not so crazy about Rick. I liked her ghost beau better but now in a human body her feelings for him have settled and they're good friends. She finds many reasons to call him, some that simply cracked me up.


A fun series!

Amazon/Audible

Friday, September 25, 2015

The Bride Wore Dead by E.M. Kaplan book review

The Bride Wore Dead is a book I've been looking forward to reading. I even placed it on my Must-Reads for 2015 list. I wasn't disappointed, enjoyable read!



My Review:

The Bride Wore Dead by E.M.Kaplan is a hysterical murder-mystery. Josie Tucker is a food columnist who gets thrown into a wedding as a bride’s maid because the dress fits. Soon after the wedding the bride turns up dead from a bee sting. This leads the husband’s mother to seek Josie and infiltrate the ranch the couple was staying at for their honeymoon. Josie isn’t a detective but needs money and retreat time so accepts the offer.

Kaplan has created a spicy, lovable character with Josie Tucker. She is a tiny built, Asian lady with stomach issues. Her doctor and long time friend Drew is the man she loves, only he doesn’t know it. Josie is a prickly character. Warm fuzzies aren’t her style. Josie’s personality draw out the comedy in this book as she bumbles through solving the “murder”.

For lovers of mystery, comedy and strong female protagonists The Bride Wore Dead is a sure love!

Find it here:
Amazon
Amazon.co.uk
Amazon.ca
Barnes and Noble
Goodreads

Monday, December 8, 2014

Randy Attwood Spill

Recently, I read another Randy Attwood book. It was quite different from his others I've read but just as well written.

Spill 



My Review
Spill by Randy Attwood is a political comedy. It is far different than his other books I’ve read. I was expecting something different not to say Spill isn’t an enjoyable read because it was. In this novel  Fred comes up with a brilliant idea and gets Zoe the bartender/ single mother involved. They both run for the same political office in efforts of making money. Zoe’s son ends up designing a skateboarding game in which players work on destroying big oil.

The plot in this hilarious novel was like a tiny snowball that grew as it rolled downhill climaxing with a huge mess when the snow ball impacted against the side of a mountain blasting snow everywhere. It reminded me of the movie Fargo as most characters bungled their way through leaving a trail of laughs in their wake.
Through description, dialogue, and private thought he captured the essence of his characters and brought them to life as if I was watching them on the big screen. They stumbled through each page. A few got lucky. A few did not. The young man seemed to be the most intelligent of the bunch and used his wits and business skills to design a lasting momento.


Spill is an entertaining read. Expect giggles and laughter as you read.


Click on my Troubled Oyster Book Awards to check out my other reviews on Randy and vote!

More about Randy Attwood
Curiosity Quills
Amazon
Amazon.co.uk.
Barnes and Noble

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Oh No Junior High! with Terri Klaes Harper

It was nearly a year and a half ago that I read my first Indie novel since I have read more Indie's than mainstream. I find Indie books to be refreshingly vibrant and exciting. The author's aren't tied into what the general public is currently purchasing. For any indie author who has tried sending their manuscripts to publishers or literary agents that's more or less the response given along with a it has promise. Indie author's aren't afraid to break the rules and write a fascinating story unlike other books on the market. The book that started it all for me was Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl: The Middle-ish Ages by Terri Klaes Harper.

This fun read is about a young girl going into the foreboding junior high years whose family  moves from west coast  California to east coast Virginia as if junior high isn't difficult enough. Drew escapes the ridicule of her California peers also leaving behind the love of her life only to have it replaced by a new villain and hunky junior high boy. The author delves into those awkward years as culture shocked Drew adjusts to her new surroundings and that ever present junior high need to fit in socially. She vies for the attention of the popular while falling into the hands of the ordinary and has a great epiphany to what and who "real friends" are.

Terri Klaes Harper uses great illustration through character and dialogue to draw in the reader and keep the pages of the book turning. I started this read before work and couldn't wait until after work to finish it and did that I did in one day. The book is truly that good! It is a must read for young adults finding themselves trapped in Drew's reality to adults who remember those tragic drama filled years. I am currently and not so patiently awaiting the sequel.

I especially made a connection with this book as I have taught junior high for several years now and found this novella to put a humorous but true spin on the realities of junior high. I envisioned my students playing various characters which actually gave me laughter pains by the time I finished.

Below is a link to the book on Amazon and Terri Klaes Harper's Facebook author page:

Memoirs-Ordinary-Girl-Middle-ish-Ages
https://www.facebook.com/TerriKlaesHarperauthor